Where I am in Life

by Pauline
I am writing this from the comfort of my home mahogany desk-strategically placed close to the window for good lighting. This evening I am grateful to be soaking in the evening sun. I can smell the ginger in my tea next to the book I have just put down -on black sisters’ street. It’s a dark book and I can’t help but think of the tragedy the characters experience.

My mind wanders to thoughts of change. I have been experiencing that lately, change. The kind that scares and excites at the same time.

One of the changes is that my blog has moved, from WordPress to self-hosting. That is huge, wait no, it’s a big milestone. It takes you back to when you left home to be your own person. The freedom of cooking more meals than githeri and not having to watch news because mama said so. In the same breath the reality of expanding your creativity, paying for themes and the hosting comes close to the price of bills for freedom.

That said, this is a change I am embracing with arms wide open. I started blogging so I could share my life experiences and lessons. I now feel this new site will enable me to share other great people’s experiences so expect only great things-oh no pressure Pauline.

I was in a space of self-discovery when I started and was finding myself in a perfect God so I shared the experiences. It now feels like déjà vu. I have been feeling lost lately, most days I have felt a huge sense of sadness clouding my life. I have had deep conversations with God and also had moments when I was mad at Him.

More than once I have felt emotionless, like I am standing at the bus stop looking at life pass me by. I couldn’t trace the exact cause for my feelings but you know, life was happening. Career, finances-everything that puts a millennial into a state of depression.

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 I can happily report now that I am happy as I write this. I am in a great state of mind. My creative juices are overflowing. Travis Greene’s ‘Be still’ song is playing in the background. “Just give me your faith and be still” the lyrics goes.

I got here by sleeping in a whole day, without the care of missing a thing. I then spent the next day eating avocado toasts, drinking ginger tea, reading and watching comedy. I also took a week off social media-Ah the silence my friends was everything.

A week off social media calls for another routine. I wrote down a week’s routine. Sleep by 9.30 P.M, up by 4.50 a.m., work out, meditate, devotion then work. The social media apps were off my phone so even if the temptation hit there was no fulfilling it. Reading and being still was the alternative.

I am in a better state. I don’t feel like I need to be in control anymore. I am doing great surrendering and on days when I am not-doing great surrendering, I cry, an ugly silent cry.

I know I will look back at this and smile.

That said welcome to my new site I hope you love it as much I do.

 

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2 comments

Stella Nderitu September 22, 2018 - 11:10 am

Thanks for sharing with us. I love your morning routine. I also get up at 4:50AM tohitvthe gym by 5AM. my struggle is in consistent devotion before I leave the house. Thanks for the challenge.

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Pauline September 24, 2018 - 6:29 am

Wow Stella that’s great. Keep up dear, for there to be change we have to change and endure. Thanks for passing by.

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