I am a millennial striving to figure out my place in this world. I am constantly doubting my place here and focused on staying sane as I juggle it all. When these are the things that go through my mind often, I am constantly reminded marriage should also be one of them.
This is not to mean that I do not think about marriage. I do. I desire marriage, however, I do wish to be left to figure it as I go through life just as I am left alone to adult. I mean, I am not privileged to have someone say “I can help pay your bills this month.” “Hey I can get you that opportunity.” You know what I hear more, “I can hook you up with someone I know, if it’s hard finding someone.”
I feel society places marriage for women at a high level. I know men are also constantly asked the same question but correct me if I am wrong, men easily get away with it. Its okay for a man to figure out his life first but the same grace is not extended to women. We are constantly reminded on how our biological clock is ticking. Do men get that?
It’s like you get to a certain age and there is a sticker on your forehead saying, “ripe for marriage.” There is the interesting be-spectacled older lady with a wig at work who keeps asking when she will know your home. She brings you “nduma” for breakfast so you have to be nice and say “when a husband comes.” You regret saying that immediately it leaves your mouth because she starts calling the young men in the office announcing you are single and one of them should “wife you’.
Then there is the aunties. The uncles weirdly say nothing. They will never defend you and say “leave the child alone’’ but they will also not ask anything from you. Fair enough. The aunties who warned you to stay away from boys when in university suddenly want you to get a man.
“Wambui, bring us someone now.” They say. “I haven’t found someone yet,” it’s like I never learn with that answer. The moment I say that, help is offered for me to get a husband. I have pending lunch invites at my aunties once a man comes, so Mr, lunch is getting cold, hurry up.
The thing is, I may not take my lover to these lunches for good reasons. I am not about to have someone’s son rushed into marrying me. He will be reminded not to take his time so that we can start popping out children soon.
I love all these people. My mum, who is also panicking on when she will be called a grandma, my auntie and my colleagues. Never mind a young colleague advised me to consider getting a child and then think about marriage later on. I still love her, she makes sure office cakes gets to me in good portions. I know it’s all in good faith.
The pressure however doesn’t really kick in well with just those questions. It’s when you start attending numerous baby showers, bridal showers, being part of engagement plans, ruracios and weddings. It’s when you get home from Mary’s wedding. You kick off the shoes you bought for shiru’s ruracio and change from the dress you bought for Hellen’s wedding that doubts kick in.
“Always the bridesmaid and never the bride,” Moment kicks in as described by Janette ikz. You wonder if what your friends say about you being choosy is true. You even contemplate calling Brian, because everyone said you were couple goals despite his constant flirting with other girls. You dial his number and then remember that fool said you wouldn’t prosper without him. You decide to log in to twitter instead and laugh at that’ Loresho’ guy. Dude got more problems than you.
All I am saying is, the pressure is real. I have no idea what’s on the other side of marriage, I guess it’s great. Well it’s also great on this single/dating side. We are also having fun. As the pressure kicks in let’s remember God’s timing is the best. Don’t rush into anything without God’s fingerprints all over it.
I am also not on anyone’s timeline so let me walk my journey as I am intended to. I thought I would be married with kids by now but being an adult has taught me otherwise. I am appreciating my journey. It will all come when it’s supposed to.