The conversation went from couple goals to fear of being in a relationship. The two are real issues in our dating scene today and social media has contributed a great deal to our dating culture.
We had long conversations that had us getting from cool music to club music past auntie’s bedtime-so we called it a night.
Let me share part of the conversation with my fellow millennial and what we agreed on;
Being single for a long time makes you comfortable
I have a certificate in being single. I had colleagues, friends and family trying to hook me up with guys because I was always single. I had gotten to the point where being alone was bliss. Listening to friend’s love life issues fueled my desire to stay single for a while.
I knew I could sleep not worrying who didn’t call back or texted late and that was peaceful. As with every aspect of life there is always the danger of comfort zone. One of the friends also said he is in that comfort zone and it hinders the possibility of him having a dating life.
Comfort zone has you pushing people you could potentially have a relationship with, away. Its sister fear makes you imagine everything that could go wrong and so you stay protecting your heart.
But darling, what if you fall for a good one?
Our Love life is influenced by our experiences
You will project all the insecurities you had in your past relationship to your current one. You will bring in the small fights that you were used to having. You will have your guard up noticing patterns that you saw in your past relationships.
Unconsciously you make someone pay for someone else’s mistakes.
Experiences also come from relationship with our parents or lack of it. The relationship they had with each other affects how we love. It affects our willingness to open up to people.
Being in a relationship brings out a side of you that you didn’t know existed. I have experienced that firsthand. I am surprising myself; I thought I was close to perfect. I however have been able to trace where some of it comes from and dealt with it.
The good news is, we can always unlearn and learn new things so this is not a constant.
Social media is affecting our love life
Relationship is more than cute photos taken on trips, in bed and events with #couplegoals. We are going into relationships with the hope that we can also make our relationship glamorous. The expectation is that a stranger will call our love life goals.
People post what they want you to see. They post their happy times so trying to keep up with that curated perfection will only lead to disappointment.
Relationships take work; it’s waking up every day and choosing the same person despite how you feel. It’s supporting each other through the many phases in life. It’s learning each other’s love language and appreciating your differences. It’s defining your own love is…
Do it your way
There is no one way of dating correctly. If there was, we would all be hooked up to amazing people.
Don’t try to keep up with anyone, do it your way and keep God in the Centre of it all. Love without fear of losing. Love unconditionally without expecting anything in return. Choose someone who does the same.
Don’t live in the fear of “what if this doesn’t work?” “What if he/she is not the one?”
Something Oprah said, if they loved you when you needed them it’s enough.