I prayed for a fresh start, new opportunities and a breakthrough. I had refreshed my vision board, written down my goals-breaking them down to monthly and quarterly. I prayed to see them through.
Enter 2019 and nothing had changed. I still hated my job and wanted out so bad. I looked at my emergency account and no, I didn’t have enough to survive on for six or more months. I felt stuck and sad. I wore this defeated face everywhere, my energy was low and knowing how depression works I knew it was knocking.
I missed work and spent days at home in bed. I didn’t want to be around people because I knew whatever energy I was exuding was exhausting. I am grateful for friends and loved ones who stood by me through January.
I made calls to my close person crying letting them know I was having an anxiety attack. All I needed was someone to listen and pray they didn’t get tired or judge me. I am grateful I had that.
photo by: Kevin hills photography
This too shall pass, was always the message. It was the truth.
It sure did pass and in the most unexpected way. I got a job offer and became even more confused.
Oprah says when you don’t know what to do, do nothing. Be still.
A friend advised me just that, I put down the merits and demerits of both jobs and I decided to stay at the job I thought I hated.
I prayed about it and felt at peace staying. I knew a lot had to change; my attitude towards my job had to change. I prayed some more. I acknowledged that this was the season I was in and needed to prosper.
My prayer was simple,
“God if this is where you need me to be, give me peace. Give me wisdom to keep my eyes open on the lessons I need to learn here. Lord let me prosper while I am at it.”
I started being intentional, waking up and being grateful for whose I am and the season I am in. I realized that I could either believe that nothing good could amount from this season or believe that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord.
The first quarter is gone and all I can say is that the down times made me stronger. I know there was a purpose for that season and it was fulfilled. It’s funny how when you are going through something, the end of the tunnel seems so far. It isn’t, because that too shall pass.
I have ticked most of my goals for that quarter and I am grateful for God’s favor. If at the beginning of this year someone said I will tick off some of my goals at this time, I would have laughed hard and called them crazy.
There will be seasons meant to grow us and we have to appreciate that season of becoming. It gets hard when we are comparing our season with someone else’s season. We have to stay focused on what God is doing in us
I don’t know if my job is my calling, if it’s what I am meant to do in one year, two months all I know is that in this season I am where I should be. I know God got me, and I am learning to surrender.