I am Grateful.
However, the feeling of inadequacy creeps in. I will be celebrating my birthday in a few days and that now fuels the fear. What have I achieved? Am I a late bloomer? Is it ever going to work out? Do I need a quick fix method so I can accomplish my 2018 goals?
Slow down thoughts! You don’t want a heart attack. Silence, before the kind of sadness that leads to depression invades me.
God in His own way heard my confusion and sent me right into His word. He reminded of a man we all know named Saul.
1st Samuel 13:7-14
This is a story of Saul and Samuel. Saul as you know was the king of Israel; and at this particular time Saul and his soldiers were being outnumbered by Philistines. The men with Saul were becoming impatient and some fled but Saul had agreed with Samuel to wait for him (Samuel) for seven days.
When the set days elapsed and Samuel didn’t show up, immediately the men with Saul panicked more. Saul became impatient, took matters into his own hands and offered up the burnt offering.
Soon as he had finished, Samuel arrived. He rebuked Saul for not waiting and as a result, God said that Saul’s kingdom wouldn’t endure.
If only he had being patient and not taken matters into his own hands.
How I relate to Saul! In the season I am in at this moment, God is teaching me a few lessons;
God is Calling Me to Be Patient;
I am putting in work. Real work you guys! I have been setting my goals and doing what is required. The fruits are not yet ripe, and this is frustrating. The thing is; I can decide to stop now and walk away because results are not instant or I can decide to continue being true to myself and wait on God.
Everything Will Fall into Place When it’s supposed to;
I am growing old; preferably, aging like fine wine to say the least and people (read family) now feel comfortable asking what my plans on settling down are. The kids’ topic is a constant one on their lips. Time inasonga-(time is lapsing)
Whose time? In the words of the poet Janette ikz, “I serve the author of time, who is not subject to time but I am subject to Him.”
I believe eternity with someone is a long time so, NO! I am not just settling. A kid is a big deal, heck I feel like one on most days, so no ma’am, do not pressure me.
Marriage, getting kids, new job, business…it will all fall into place when it’s supposed to. Not a day sooner, not later but exactly when it’s supposed to. I am familiar with the notion of ‘this world is for the takers’, so don’t get me wrong, but I want things that last, and these only come from God.
Appreciate This Planting Season
I keep telling myself, “girl you will have a great testimony to tell.”
The planting season builds your character. It eliminates those who are not meant for you. It humbles you and prepares you to handle all that God has in store for you.
I don’t think my relationship with God would be this close had I gotten everything I wanted instantly. God had to remind me that He is in control. He had to teach me to depend on Him.
His Will above Mine.
If you are in this season with me, don’t give up. Keep going. God is definitely up to something. He is working for us.
He wants it for us more than we can imagine. We can dream big but God wants even bigger things for us, so keep working it will soon make sense.
In a world that glorifies instant success, that may be hard; but trust me easy come easy go!