As I matured, I learnt that I didn’t have to always cling onto every friendship. I learnt that some friendships are for a season and for a purpose and it’s okay if they don’t last.
I don’t have a squad and sometimes I used to wonder if that’s okay. If life and “the bold type” have taught me anything, it’s that quality over quantity when it comes to friendships.
I have my small circle. Each of my friends teaches me something about life. Some I see more often than others and yet that doesn’t define how close a relationship is or isn’t. We are old and wise know and understand that life is happening to each one of us. We are more patient and empathetic towards each other now.
When choosing friends in our defining decade is important; it’s equally important to know not everyone needs to be in our close circle.
So who are the close friends to keep in our 20s?
The Soul mate
She knows your deepest secrets, maybe. You are comfortable letting her know your inner thoughts. You have earned each other’s trust.
You may even finish each other’s sentences and people may mistake you for sisters but that’s because you are now family. She knows your love language. Your relationship is close to what lovers have without the physical intimacy.
You are just meant to be together.
The One Who Prays With and For You
You know when you are feeling spiritually drained and trying to listen to a Steven Furtick sermon is not doing it for you-you call them.
They don’t judge you but listen to you and remind you whose you are. They are the friends you call for bible study, for fasting and for prayers when feeling stuck.
They help feed your soul.
The one who checks you
It’s cool to have a cheerleader. One who is down to ‘enemy of my friend is my enemy’ but nothing matches a friend who checks you. The one who calls you out when you think everyone is toxic but you.
They have a mother tendency of making sure you are on the right path. They love and care for you and will call you out for repeating the same mistakes. They will even point out that you are not exploiting your full potential.
Keep this one close.
The fun Friend
As one who doesn’t like being with people I really needed a fun friend. The one who is always down to take new challenges; they push you out of your comfort zone.
The friend who takes life easy, you sometimes wonder if they are normal. I know whom to call when I need a good laugh. My friend will make you laugh at your situation and hers as well.
She is good for the heart; keep her close to it.
The Friend in The same Season as You
Seasonal friends are not bad. There are seasons in life that are permanent so these friends could go a long way.
I had to learn this when my friends had kids. I didn’t have anything to say when it came to babies other than “it’s almost weaning time yeah!”
My friends would occasionally hang out with friends who had kids and I had to be okay with that.
Your friend will get married and have a married friend whom they meet more often than you and that’s okay. You will also meet a friend who is transitioning into a new season similar to yours and you will hang out even more.
Embrace those friends.
Your significant other
Life happens so fast. I remember how easy it was keeping up with friends in campus. We would lie in bed catching up with ‘the real housewives’ as we caught up on every single detail of our life. Now we have to plan a meet-up to catch up on what’s been going for the last weeks or months.
When love happens you will find your significant other is your closest friend. Calls every now and then means you have someone to catch up with on every detail in your life. It’s a blessing really; to have someone to talk to after a chaotic day.
Be sure that your significant other is your friend too. That shoulder to lean on will go a long way to keeping you sane.
The Childhood friends
I admire people who are still tight with their childhood friends. The tenacity, oomph!
I am not in touch with most of my childhood friends-life happens, but I have my teenage friends. I guess we stayed in contact because our seasons didn’t differ much. We were all heading to college and later discovering the scam that is the ‘job market’ at the same time.
We still share the struggle. It’s nice having people you can reminisce about the teenage dreams and what life was supposed to be. It’s nice calling them to tell them mother is asking for grandkids and them saying “mine too!”
These are your people. They feel you.