by Pauline

I wanted to cry, maybe even shout but he was looking at me in the calmest way only a doctor could. His verdict was final, I was spending the night at the hospital.

I was frustrated, I had been at home for one week recuperating but instead got worse so here I was, helpless. I was led to the ward and shown my bed, a young man was setting things up for me and I sadly took out my anger on him by complaining about everything. 

The patient next to me sat comfortably on her bed in her hospital attire, hair unkempt, evidence she had called that place home for some time. “You came here for one thing, to get better, calm down and trust God that you will be out of this place soon. I have been here because of a major illness and I still trust God will come through for me.”  She said to me with tact. I looked at her, speechless, mainly because those words would have come from me in any other scenario, I am always positive in most situations but not this one. I looked at her and said nothing, jumped on my bed and lay there looking up hoping she wouldn’t say anything else.

It then occurred to me, that I was mad at people who had nothing to do with my misery. I also became cognizant of how mad I was at God. We had discussed this, I was supposed to be well by now. I had prayed against been admitted but here I was in a hospital “patient attire.” I felt alone, my faith was not even the size of a mustard seed, at this moment it did not exist.

The experience however taught me a lot and in the past few days I have learnt a few things on our  faith in God and why we tend to have none in certain circumstances.

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“We are mad at God because He has not come through our terms and conditions.” Joshua Eze.

We have a plan on how our life should be, a deadline on when we should have achieved something. Then suddenly out of the blues we experience hurdles and we feel like the universe is conspiring to see our downfall. We get mad at God because our deadline will not be met, because we were working towards something and instead of Him blessing it He lets something happen that takes us two steps behind, by two steps I mean maybe beyond recovery. I had started a routine before I fell ill, I was getting up early, going to the office early and having time to do something for myself. The obstacle was hard for me. I however remember one of the speakers I follow saying that our problem as human beings is that we put God in a box. I want a promotion, but no God does not want to give you a promotion, He wants to take you to another company where you will be more fulfilled. So instead of being mad because of failure, try understand that man’s rejection is God’s protection.

“God’s timing is perfect, He may delay something until you learn to stop idolizing it”. Joshua Eze

When we hear of idols, our minds takes us back to the Egyptians who made gods from their gold ornaments and worshiped them. Our modern idols however are things that we so much desire and end up worshiping unconsciously. I wanted my healing so bad that it was all I thought of, I have to be well so I can do this, so I can attend this event so I  can …I, I, unconsciously selfish. I was asking God why me? I have enough problems already, why now?  but God needed me to get to a point where instead of asking Him why me, I asked Him what He needed me to carry with from this experience. I had to accept what He was allowing to happen to me and realize there had to be a reason.
You may want that job so desperately, you may want that house so bad, that marriage or that kid so bad but in the words of heather Lindsey until you stop idolizing these things, until you stop thinking that your life will be perfect with these things and understand that you need to let God’s will be, then you shall find peace. In His perfect timing your blessing will come.

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Sometimes it’s not about us, we go through things so we can help others.

My mentor told me these words when I told her I was emotionally unstable. There are things that you have to go through in this life so you can be an inspiration to others. There are places that God has to put you in so you can fulfill His purpose for you. It may be painful, it maybe emotionally draining but it is for a reason. I was well and out of the hospital in no time. God came through for me at his perfect timing. I am more appreciative of good health now and I tell others to be as well.
My second night at the hospital I listened to Morgan harper Nichols song “storyteller” and kept repeating these lyrics  “There were some nights that felt like they would last forever but You kept me breathing, You were with me right then”.
You may be an intern for so long because God wants to humble you before you become a leader. You may have experienced loss because God wants you to be strong enough to encourage others. Whatever you are going through it’s so that you may be able to tell your story someday.


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Being Rosemary March 10, 2016 - 1:30 pm

You are one tough cookie love so so proud of you!
May God keep lighting your path to greatness❤

pawa2016 March 10, 2016 - 2:01 pm

thank you so much love and for been there always.

The Beginning March 13, 2016 - 2:48 pm

Nice intro tough cookie.

pawa2016 March 14, 2016 - 7:26 am

Thank you so much.

queenreny June 11, 2017 - 6:28 pm

Oh my word!!!! I love this. We are so forgetful, esp of the goodness of God. We forget that our life is not about us, rather it is about God and how we reflect His love.


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