It’s the 21st century, lights on, couple up, show some body let’s shoot this. If you are confused where this is going, I am too but really it’s the “sex sells” century. You got that right, I am back here talking about sex or rather the lack of it as promised.
Let us have deep conversations like, was sex created by God? Yes it was. Conversations like what are the implications of having premarital sex. Let us go back to those days of uncomfortable sex talks only this time what makes us uncomfortable is talking about us not having it.
I hope in your mind at this point you are not asking who gave this little miss perfect the right to discuss this. Well to start with, I am not perfect, I am far from it and about who gave me the right, I will go with our Lord Jesus Christ.
Sexual purity is a conversation that can no longer be ignored. I had the best conversation on this topic with former crossover co-host, the gorgeous Faith Muturi Ngugi who has not shied away from this truth. She has discussed it in most interviews and shared with her 124k followers on Instagram on her purity journey and how she truly benefited from that.
A conversation with the corporate training consultant was a breath of fresh air as she dived in on so many topics concerning sexual purity.
Celibacy, abstinence, purity which is which? I start the conversation. “I don’t think either is wrong or right, I however prefer sexual purity, the journey towards purity. It is more than something physical, it is being pure in the mind too.” Faith says. According to her, sexual purity is simply not abstaining from sex but also upholding faith in other aspects e.g. our thoughts and actions need to be honorable.
I want to know more about protecting our space so I dig in with the question of how we can achieve that. “There is a lot of sexual stuff passed on around us but we still need to be accountable of what we expose ourselves to, especially on what we watch.” Faith explains the point further by speaking on not setting yourself up for fail.
If I want to lose weight and I decide not to eat cake I will definitely not buy cake and put it in front of me. I am human I will fall into temptation.”
In the same way there are certain environments that make it hard to pursue sexual purity.
It is at this point where she talks of commitment. Sexual purity is not about being perfect, but more of someone’s commitment to pursuing purity. She gives an example of two people in a chama contributing towards a certain goal but their commitment on different levels.
One person is financially stable and another is struggling yet in some cases you will find it is not the amount of money that determines whether the goal will be achieved it is the commitment to the goal.
“We need to be committed enough to the purity journey,” she says and goes in on the story of Joseph who was tempted by his boss’s wife but his commitment to God was enough to make him say no.
On eligibility for this journey
Sexual purity journey should be pursued by each one of us. It is what God desires for us. Our body is His temple and we should treat it as such. No matter how many times you fall, His grace is sufficient. This is her belief and she goes in again explaining its commitment that matters in sexual purity, she talks of David, a man after God’s own heart yet even him sexual sin was a struggle.
He committed adultery but after realizing his mistake repented and God forgave him. At this point my mind goes to the Samaritan woman, the woman at the well. She had an experience with Jesus despite her sexual sin. She asked for the living water so she may not thirst anymore and the word says many Samaritans believed because of this woman.
At whatever stage you are in your life, single mother, a young single lady or even in a situation-ship or relationship, you can decide to pursue purity, -Faith emphasizes-
Therefore, regardless of whether you have had sex before or even had a child, you can still pursue sexual purity.
“I pursued purity as a single lady, while engaged and even now as a wife,” she says. I fumble and as if she is reading my mind, she says laughing, “Let me explain the marriage part, sex is pure within marriage, so sexual purity means abstaining before marriage and being faithful to one spouse in marriage, this means sex within marriage is sexual purity, that’s the beautiful way God designed it.
On how she achieved purity as a single lady
“I stayed engaged in so many activities, I was living my life and living it to the full.” She starts. Faith says it is achievable to live a normal exciting life and be sexually pure. It is definitely not easy yet it is great to live a life without the baggage of unhealthy sexual decisions.
I stayed engaged in fun and fulfilling activities; for instance she was in a group dance, yes dance. She also hang out with her girls and did sleep overs and attended events that would help her grow as a person. She encourages me to continue writing and to live my life to the fullest.
She advises me to talk about my journey knowing well its God’s grace that sustains me. Faith tells me that as a single lady, she would be advised by friends not to share publicly on her stand on sexual purity.
Their argument being the possibility of falling and getting pregnant in the public. “I told them that I was fully aware that I am not perfect so even if I fell ‘god forbid”, I hoped I would find the strength in God to get up, be restored and start a fresh journey on sexual purity.” She says.
People pursuing sexual purity should be more vocal about their journey and encourage each other. Don’t be scared that people will think you are acting perfect, it’s your truth and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.
On boundaries when courting
“Boundaries are different for everyone so there is no size that fits or solution, as for her experience She goes ahead to say that they were attracted to each other with her husband — then her fiancée –they however chose to uphold their values.
We were more focused on what would build us rather than focusing on what we shouldn’t do and with that we enjoyed ourselves.
Her advice is that even as I continue pursuing purity, I should focus on the positive and not on what I shouldn’t do.
“Sexual purity is not a life sentence, it is a great opportunity to discover yourself in a meaningful way.” She says.
As a couple they had group dates with other couples, watched plays and engaged in activities that would build them, like taking classes on managing finances as a couple.
On testing the car before buying it.
I can tell from the other end, the statement makes her livid. “People are not cars, they are not a thing that they need testing before using. What happens when you go to the showroom, test a car and it’s not good? You return it.
Similarly when you buy a car and you don’t like it a few months down the line you plan to do away with it and get a new one. We are not cars we are human beings. Sadly that’s what is happening in marriages, moving from one to the next. Faith is of the opinion that people are not perfect but you don’t throw them away because of imperfections you build that relationship.
During courtship you learn each other’s strengths and weaknesses. “Sex is not only about being physical with someone, it is also being vulnerable to one another and ultimately it is about trust. Sexual purity builds trust which leads to fulfillment in marriage.” She explains.
On benefits of waiting
“Waiting helps build character and trust, you will not always be with your spouse, sometimes work or other events separate you for days, but based on the values obtained during courtship, you easily trust each other. You also learn to be patient with one another.” She says.
Mrs. Ngugi is adamant that character builds marriage. When one has good character they appreciate exclusivity. They know that with their spouse it’s for better or for worse. “You honor each other and that is what I mean with sexual purity in marriage.” She explains.
Sexual purity is not an imprisonment; in fact, she says it is like running in a marathon and getting to the finish line to get the reward.
Waiting enabled them to build a friendship, something she says helps them stay together.
As we get to the end of our conversation she encourages me to stay true to who I am and reminds me that obedience to God will yield results. “Pauline sexual purity is not for the perfect, it is a journey that has to be refreshed every day.” She gives me her last advice.
Time went by fast but by the end of the interview, I have gained full insight on sexual purity and also gained a friend.
It is not magic what Faith and her now husband did, so many people are waiting.
Speak out on your journey, there are so many people who need encouragement and for anyone willing to obey God’s command be assured that you will never miss His blessings.