5 Reasons You Need To Define Your Own Kind of Beautiful

by Pauline
I am short in height, the kind that needs you to have a stool in your house because everything is way above your height. My weight shifts from small to big so you can call me chubby. I am fairly light-skinned. I have big eyes-not green, not blue- just really beautiful eyes with recurring dark patches underneath. I also have big dark lips and while in university boys would jokingly ask if I was a smoker-yup you can ask people that in campus.

I could go on about my short plump legs, my fat fingers that make you think of sausages but I will stop here and let you know that I am a beautiful woman. My own kind of beautiful. The kind you look in the mirror and say “You, woman are imperfectly perfect for me”

I wasn’t always this confident about my appearance. I remember as a teenager thinking I was beautiful because boys going through adolescents said so. Depending on their validation meant that if anyone of them pointed a flaw in me I would become insecure.

Fast forward to being in university and hearing “fat” and “me” in the same sentence quite often. I remember peers and older people saying I had gained weight. They never said it in a nice way or out of concern. My insecure self would hear, “You are fat, and that takes away a piece of you, your beauty.”

The funny thing is that later on, looking back at those pictures I looked pretty good. I was in good shape, not the model flat tummy, long neck, tiny waist kind. I was full, in all the right places if I do say so myself! And Instead of relishing my days as a young adult I spent more time being self-conscious. I still do so sometimes now even as an adult.

Two years ago for the first time I decided to eat right and work out. I was in bad place mentally and I was only running so I that I could think and cry without anyone noticing. A work-out enthusiast noticed and invited me to run and work out with him.  I enjoyed it and in the process lost considerable weight.

Where I am: Taking stock.

Then guess what? The unexpected happened. People called me too skinny. Some said I had lost my bum that my neck was too long. ‘You are too short to be this small’. I was like, what do you really want from me?

It doesn’t matter because I should give them-the people commenting-nothing.

I decided hence forth to define my own kind of beautiful and here is why you should do so too:

People Are Hard To Please

You owe nobody perfection.

Everybody has an opinion of how you should look. Skinny legs for your voluminous body, fat legs that don’t go with your small size, small or big lips for your round face. If you listen and work on what they criticize, they will still find another fault, just be you.

Always remember people reflect their insecurities on you. They try to put you down so they can feel good about themselves.

The man you are trying to please will find another fault to point out. They don’t love you for you if all they keep pointing out is your physical flaws.

You Will Miss on Enjoying Your Good Days

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is unknown, so enjoy today immensely. You don’t want to look back and say “damn I should have enjoyed my 20s or 30s more.”

Enjoy your body as it is. Wear what feels comfortable. Twirl girl and go to the beach in a bikini, cellulite or no cellulite.

If I could go back to my university days, I would leave the stockings at home. I was so self-conscious that showing my legs was a problem. Thank God for growing up and realizing I only got one life.

Your Body is Your Home

Look down at your body,


There is no home like you,”

Rupi Kaur

Home to me has always meant a safe place, like the Garden of Eden before eve succumbed to the seduction of the snake. A place with no room for judgement, smells of Christmas delicacies and sounds like laughter of lovers reunited.


Imagine that home as your body. Make it as beautiful as you feel like. Take care of it, kiss the flaws-if you can and quiet the doubts in your head. Do it now because home is you and you are love.

Society Kind of Beautiful is Based on Trends

Honey you are not a trend, you’re a masterpiece wonderfully and fearfully made. Have you ever noticed how people think one thing is beautiful today and tomorrow it’s not?

Well look at thin brows, then full brows. Remember how dimples were everything? I can go on, big boobs, big bum.

All I am saying is do not change how you look trying to fit into society’s trend. You will wake up tomorrow only to realize that now small lips are cool when you slept knowing fuller lips were everything.

You are not of this world so do not conform to the ways of this life.

Nobody Loves You Like You Do

You set the standards on how people look at you and treat you. Walk with confidence. Believe you were created by the creator of all things in His own image. Call that girl in the mirror beautiful just to remind her of her magic, because indeed she is magic.

I am a rose of Sharon,

A lily of the valleys.

Songs of songs 2:1


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Megan September 27, 2018 - 7:39 am

Every woman needs to read this piece. However beautiful or otherwise, we are always battling with some insecurities that sometimes take over our life.
Amma try to kiss my belly while at it.

Pauline September 27, 2018 - 9:32 am

Yes dear…embracing all of us. Thanks for passing by Megan

Miss Ruci-ini September 27, 2018 - 11:01 am

Oh my goodness! Soo insightful! Thanks Pawa! :)

Pauline September 27, 2018 - 11:30 am

I am glad it was dear. Thanks for passing by

Ms Muriithi September 27, 2018 - 1:29 pm

Great message Pawa. Thank you for sharing.

Pauline September 28, 2018 - 8:08 am

Thank you dear.

Doreen suki September 27, 2018 - 2:46 pm

Awesome stuff dear..it has reminded me self esteem is important.. Thanks

Pauline September 28, 2018 - 8:07 am

Yes. I used to envy people who were so confident, now I am glad I am confident too.

Kimachui September 27, 2018 - 3:28 pm

Wow..this article is impressive. Coming from a jewel such as you who has trialled the body-shaming path across valleys, ladies and men as well need to read this. Keep going girl

Pauline September 28, 2018 - 8:06 am

Asante sana Kimachui, it’s about time people we show people how to treat us by loving us more.

Jacquey September 27, 2018 - 7:30 pm

This is quite a piece! Really good read.

Pauline September 28, 2018 - 8:05 am

Thank you gorgeous.

Florence wangari November 30, 2018 - 5:57 am

Thanks girl for reminding us we are unique and beautiful in our own way.The world will perceive you how you perceive yourself.

Pauline December 1, 2018 - 9:14 am

True that. Welcome dear and thanks for passing by.


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